When I don't fast
Note: This post discusses restrictive eating and weight loss.
A little unknown fact about me is that my weight has constantly fluctuated up and down over the years. My last recent big weight loss occurred around two years ago. I lost around 40lb over the course of a year. To achieve it, I practiced intermittent fasting: One meal, usually at lunch, and absolutely no snacking (I was never a big snacker, anyway). But even after reaching my goal weight, I continued to sporadically fast this way to maintain my weight. I haven't been doing it as often in recent months, and gained a few pounds back (I'm barely 5'0", so a "few pounds" makes a world of a difference).
However, nothing compares to the way I've been eating in the past week. For the first time in three years, I have eaten three meals every day for an entire week, and I hate it.
A normal person would say to give myself some grace. I'm on vacation after all, in a different country, and staying with extended family where food is a love language in itself. But it doesn't physically feel good. I feel constantly bloated now, my clothes feel a smidge tighter, and my face is a lot more puffier than I'm used to.
Vanity aside, it's also Lent. It is the time to be fasting. In hindsight, it was not the best time to schedule a vacation during Lent, but I was not thinking about Lent when we booked this trip back in August. In fact, I feel very different compared to who I was a mere seven months ago.
For one, in this week of admittedly not fasting, I've also noticed a marked change in my libido. I may definitely have silently questioned my priest when he said, many times, during his homilies that fasting curbs lust for the flesh. But I think I understand now. Maybe it's just me making things up in my head. Maybe it's just the combination of being idle, being relatively alone, being detached from my home parish, and also not fasting. But I do see this change quite acutely.
Realistically, I don't think I can actually commit to fasting until I get back from this vacation. Sadly, Lent will be half over by then. Thankfully, my family is Catholic enough to, at the very least, abstain from meat on Fridays. But I am not brave enough to put my foot down. For now, I'm recommitting myself to doing what I can: restrict portion sizes, refraining from second helpings, and eating little to no rice.
I literally cannot wait until I can fast again.