If you love me
"If you love us, you won't move out," is something my parents said to me once. Surely there is some sort of fallacy in that statement. Of course I love my parents, but me moving out had nothing to do with how much I loved them. It was something that I knew I had to do for myself. Despite their protests, I moved out anyway. I grew a lot from it, and it ended up being better for our relationship.
"If you love me, you will keep my commandments." Jesus said this. If we're talking the ten commandments, then that's all well and good. It's all the extra stuff that gives me pause.
It's pride month right now. I'm bisexual, and, yeah, I will say that I'm queer. A good chunk of my friends are queer. When I think about it, I have more queer friends than I do straight cis friends. It's our month, baby. But I really do find this hard to square with my exploration of my faith right now.
In my first blog post here, I said that I felt like a traitor to all my queer friends. I still have this feeling. Christianity has hurt many people. I know several people who are open to God and/or Catholicism, but they don't know if the reverse is true due to their gender identity and/or sexuality. So they don't try, or they leave. It's truly a shame. This may be wishful thinking, but I think there is room for everyone, no matter how they identify. There should be room for everyone.
I don't expect the Church to change its stance any time soon, if ever. The recent Popes have tried to be more welcoming, but there are the obvious caveats. You can be queer, you just can't act on it. But not experiencing love, not being able to be who you truly are, is a matter life or death for some people. I know suffering is often seen as a virtue in the Church, but that is hard for anyone, queer or not, to accept.
But I also see it from the other side, too. Everyone, until they are married, is called to celibacy, anyway (never mind that the assumption that all queer people must be sexually active in the first place, like, ace people are under the umbrella, too and also people with no rizz AKA me). Even when married, couples still need to be chaste. And really, our short life on Earth is just a small thing compared to Heaven. But I can't in good conscience demonise and invalidate my friends, and the real people with real hardships.
I have briefly thought about looking into more LGBTQ+ affirming denominations, but there is just something about the Catholic Church that rings true to me. I love the rigour, the discipline, the traditions, and the Pope. But above all, shouldn't the main focus be on our relationship to God? Like Pope Leo XIV recently said, there are bigger fish to fry right now than harping on sexual sins.
Still. I don't know if I'll ever figure this out.
Happy pride, everyone.