fish on friday
Yesterday we were driving from my dad's place to my mom's place. It was an eight hour excursion, with a little detour in the middle. It could have been a few hours shorter, had we not stopped around lunch time for morning mass at a minor basillica (nothing minor about it, it was a huge church), and, of course to eat. I was looking forward to dropping by the church, but our stay was short. We quickly lit some candles after mass before rushing to eat.
In a supposedly Catholic dominant country, it can be surprisingly hard trying to find a restaurant that has substantial fish dishes on a Friday, during Lent. So we ended up in a Jollibee. We ate tuna pies, the only non-meat protein on the menu. Well, I ate a bite. I quite dislike seafood, so, instead I ate some fries. Not quite a meal, but enough to stave off hunger.
On the drive there, I rotated between sleeping, watching the scenery change through the window, listening to J. Cole's new album (so far I quite like it), and reading some articles that my parish's priest sent me.
The other day, I woke up and prayed the rosary and the Catena Legionis. After I finished praying, my phone vibrated. It was an e-mail from Father. I had asked him a question and in his reply, he sent me a few things to read through. Maybe I'm just a superstitious person in general, but I thought the timing of his e-mail right after praying, was a sign that maybe, just maybe, I'm on the right track.
The reason why I am on this journey at all is because a few months ago, before mass, I prayed for God to give me a sign, any sign at all, that I should come back to Him. Admittedly, I don't quite remember the homily on that day, but it instilled the feeling in me that God answered my prayer, and maybe that He is the answer. It was a sign.
Despite it all, the kernel of the atheist in me feels very uncomfortable writing this. Is this really me? Is this really what I want to believe in? What if I'm wrong? What if I'm just making signs up where there are none? What if I'm eating fish on Fridays, all for naught?